


take me back to the basics

by shortitude



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, also guest starring Harper & monty & Emori, guest starring: Echo, idgaf about John murphy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 16:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortitude/pseuds/shortitude
Summary: The truth is, she has loved Bellamy Blake long before taking off to outer space with him for half a decade.(Or: Raven Reyes is so in love, but mostly isn't good at saying it. Showing it...now that's another thing.)





	take me back to the basics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [semele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/semele/gifts).



> Inspired by the fact that while in this ship's fandom we all pretty much agree that Bellamy's ride or die for Raven Reyes, we are rarely given the explicit (or as explicit as his) chance to see how ride or die _she_ is for him. The answer: very. Inspired by [this gifset](http://blayesnetwork.tumblr.com/post/161769894106/shadow-moon-insp) and [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxDjFqrWVyA). Could be a prequel to [tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11022633). Limited s3&s4 knowledge applies.

**1\. gift giving**

The first thing she does is to check up on Bellamy. She can't imagine what he must be thinking now, with his wide shoulders looking slumped under the heavy weight of the world, of what he imagines are his sins. 

It should be easy for her to do what he did, when he came down those stairs looking like another hallucination, too good to be true, surprisingly solid. She could just hug him, and let him know that regardless how many of them didn't make it, the ones that have will make it all somehow worth it

But how could her words measure up to his doubts? He must be already counting the days until they can go down, until he can see his sister again.

Until then, they'll have the Ring, and enough silence that they can mourn the dead every day.

It's not what she wishes for him. 

She takes a stand before the window next to him, and together they watch the world burn, while Raven thinks this shouldn't be right. 

When she brings up Clarke, with only a small amount of heartache because - it turns out - she hasn't forgiven Clarke for a great many things, she does it out of a need to make him realise, he can do this on his own. He can do anything he sets his mind on. He can most definitely do anything he sets his heart on, and she thinks his heart is set on surviving, just to get to lie in the grass again.

Six more years.

“Are you with me?” Bellamy asks, and it feels so out of the blue that it startles a sharp inhale out of her.

Of course, he doesn't know. He has no idea he sealed his fate the minute he came back for her, proving to Raven one unbelievable and precious thing : she matters. 

“Always,” she vows, with a voice that admits no other moment of doubt. She almost asks him, defiantly, how does he still needs to ask at this point, but he looks back out the window and Raven goes quiet.

When she leaves, she takes the bottle of hooch with her. Bellamy doesn't need to go down that path. 

Six years are going to be a long time to compete with ghosts of people left behind, and she still has her own to contend with. 

-

She sets the clock on the station to count the days for them, not that the others are concerned about that right now. There seems to be an air of relieved celebration on the station, coupled with the amazement in the two Grounders’ faces at being so far above the ground that shunned them.

She'll give them a few weeks, before they get cabin fever. 

Until then, she busies herself with retcon, figuring out what's left on the space station that they can use, finding which rooms they can inhabit. She picks one close to the deck for herself, in case she has to run. 

The second day, after a long dreamless sleep, she emerges ready to get started. 

Six years, count them down.

-

“Here.” 

Hacking isn't her primary gift, but she's made due with what she's got, and what she sets on the table in front of Bellamy at breakfast is an outdated ereader someone left behind. 

“You'll need to charge it every other day, but I got access to the Ark cloud and you've got everything plus all the shit they never wanted us to read,” she rambles. He's looking at her like she could hang up the stars again, and it makes something lock in her throat. “I know it's not the same as a paperback copy of The Odyssey, but…”

“Thank you,” he says, cutting her off first by placing a very gentle hand on her arm.

She gives him a tense, apologetic smile. It's the least I could do, she thinks.

“Don't spoil the battery.”

 

**2\. quality time**

The truth is, she has loved Bellamy Blake long before taking off to outer space with him for half a decade. 

He got under her skin unexpectedly, just a little while after they had that one pitiful night together. Her one night stand turned into her closest friend, and in the quest to find more, she ended up making another mistake. But she doesn't think about Kyle anymore.

Bellamy, well now that's a different story. For a guy who claimed he wouldn't give a damn, he had no qualms about becoming her best friend and - at times - her sole crusader.

So she loves him. 

It's two weeks into their stay in space that she comes to term with the fact that she's also been in love with him, stupidly, foolishly, unquestionably, for a while now. Ask her how long, ask her how it happened, ask her how she ended up here, and she wouldn't know what to say.

Loving Bellamy is easy. Being in love, for Raven, is hard. She doesn't see Finn's ghost around every corner now, but she sees Gina's. She sees the way he counts the days until he'll be back down on Earth, knows she'll never have even a fraction of the love he has for his sister. 

It's alright, he doesn't need to give her anything. 

When Raven promises always, she means it, every letter of the word. It's a vow with no demand for reciprocation; either way, what more could she want? He came back for her, and cleared her head long enough that she could get them up here. Always is the least she could do.

-

She enlists his help in fixing the hot water on the station, because he's tall enough to get to all the places. 

“Your jacket's seen better days,” he tells her when she's done snapping a microchip into place. He must've seen the hole. 

She shrugs; it has sentimental value, at this point.

“I can mend it for you.” 

It was Aurora who taught him how to sew, she knows. He used to fix O’s clothes, because their mother had herself neck-deep in work mending Arkers’ clothes. They used to work side by side, his mother praising him softly for a job well done. 

“It's fine,” she murmurs, not wanting to accept his help with this, not wanting to bring back memories.

“Come on, Raven. I'm not saying throw it out, just let me show it some love.”

Oh, truth be told, she wants nothing more than that.

“Fine,” she sighs, “but only if I can watch.”

-

Halfway through fixing a hole in her jacket, he hands her an old shirt and a needle and thread. She copies his moves, clumsily at first, but slowly gaining confidence.

“Always feels good when you fix things, doesn't it?” he says, and she has to agree. It really does.

Two days later, he teaches her how to darn socks. It's pointless, they have enough supplies to clothe them all for decades, but she wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

**3\. words of affirmation**

Every now and then, she'll go back to that window like she's chasing the memory of a time when it felt like the two of them against the world.

A month in, and the station is feeling too small.

It's a thought she seems to share with Echo. Though their interactions are short at best, they're getting along out of necessity. It's hard hard to avoid people up here when there's only so many of them, and eventually Echo ends up in her workshop one day.

“I'm avoiding the couple's,” she explains, voice dry, as she takes a seat uninvited next to Raven. “Everyone is acting like rabbits in heat.”

Raven pulls a face. “Thanks for the visual.”

“You didn't walk in on them, at least.”

While she has nothing against Monty and Harper, she'd rather do literally anything else than think about how much sex Murphy is having. If for no other reason than because she thinks Emori could do better.

“Well, I guess not everyone. You and Bellamy seem sane enough.”

She looks up and gives the Grounder a dry smile. “And you?”

There's a beat, and Echo lets out a laugh. “No, I'm in the same boat as them, only on my own.”

While she has never shied away from sex or talking about it, Raven is mostly private about her private parts.

“Are you trying to tell me that you're horny?”

“In fewer words.”

“Why?”

Echo shrugs. “Thought it would be of interest.”

Well. It makes sense, nothing wrong with casual sex to ease the tension and all, but she knows better. Her face must show it, because Echo seems to take the whole approach one step back. 

“Sorry, I didn't know.”

Raven shakes her head. “Didn't know what?” As bizarre as this conversation is, it feels weirder not to continue it. Maybe Echo has seen something she's missed. 

“That you're not into women.”

Raven purses her lips to hide her amusement, and wonders what's the least conflict-creating way of saying 'I am into women, just not into you’.

Luckily, they're interrupted by Bellamy, who comes in with a smile that falters a bit when he notices Echo. 

“Didn't think you'd have company.”

She grins at him, “Oh yeah, it's not just you who's set on not letting me become a hermit now.”

The rueful smile Bellamy flashes her makes her, as usual, a little hot under the collar of her shirt. And it's a very loose collar. She shifts a little in her seat, and clears her throat. “Come one, what do you need?”

“A screwdriver.”

“Why?”

“To screw something.”

Echo bursts into sharp laughter next to Raven, clamping a hand over her mouth and waving the other as if to say, 'no, I'm fine’.

“You're hilarious,” says Raven dryly.

“I am,” says Bellamy. “My desk chair has a loose screw, I didn't want to take you away for such a small thing.”

Raven can't help it, she rolls her eyes. Bellamy Blake, a martyr to a fault.

She produces a screwdriver. “This is my favorite one,” she starts.

“They're all your favorites,” he teases.

“Eat me. Just take it.” 

He does, and starts to leave, except Raven can't let things go and she calls him. 

“Bellamy?” He turns around again, curious. “You wouldn't bother me. Small things or not.” He smiles at her, her heart racing suddenly, murmur by now a loud yell, and nods. Then he goes on his way.

“I bet you wouldn't mind him bothering you with his small thing,” says Echo, reminding her that she's literally been here the whole time.

And the thing is, what Raven wants to say isnt that it's none of her business, or that she does not want that, but that it's not little. Remembering how not little it is has been at the forefront of her mind lately.

“I see what it's like,” murmurs Echo, even though nobody asked her. “ _I'm_ not your type. You look at him like he's your _only_ type.”

Raven feels at loss for words. Is she _that_ obvious? 

“You are to me,” says Echo, who then sighs. “Alright, fine, I guess I’ll back off both of you.” 

Despite the surge of ugly jealousy in her, Raven asks, “Why?”

Echo gives her a deadpan look. “You'll find out.”

She lets Raven go back to her project, settling for making herself useful and tidying up a work desk she's not using. 

It's more than Raven expected, and though she's not obliged to reward her generosity, there's only so much hostility one can have up here. Besides, all of hers is aimed at Murphy, and she's in need of a new project.

“I could make you a toy. For that itch.”

Echo doesn't ask what that toy or that itch are, but grins. 

“Careful, that might make us friends.” 

Raven shrugs; it's not like Echo couldn't do with some of those.

-

She goes to collect her tool on her own later, Echo's words echoing in her head. 

The fact is, after these many weeks up in space again, Raven is consumed by a thirst for life. After weeks and weeks of nothing but pain and sorrow, the resurgence of desire has taken her up by surprise. First, it’s the dreams; the first one is innocuous enough, just a pathetic dream of kissing Bellamy like her life depends on it, but it leaves her wound up beyond bearable tolerance levels. 

She has learned, it seems, to separate gut from head from heart. Her heart may love him foolish and deeply, and her gut might want him so much she could burst, but her head is stubborn in thinking it’s just not going to happen. 

It doesn’t _need_ to happen, she scolds herself. She doesn’t _need_ to fuck him to love him, and she doesn’t need to be his anything (other than his friend; she couldn’t do without that) to be happy. 

This is enough. 

This, the simple smile he gives her when she steps into his quarters, the teasing tilt to the corner of his mouth. (And what a mouth that is.) 

“Did you fix it?” she asks, quickly, to quiet down her own brain, and gut, and heart. 

He demonstrates by making the desk chair roll a bit back and forth. “Good as new.”

“You must’ve had a good teacher,” she jokes. 

“Yeah, I seem to be lucky like that.” 

She takes the screwdriver from his hand, and doesn’t know what to do to be allowed to linger more. She wants to sit on his bed and pry stories out of him until he smiles, she wants to leave the room smelling like him, she wants… fuck, she wants.

“You’re not a bother either, you know?” he murmurs, so softly she almost misses it. Instinctively, she bites the inside of her cheek to stay calm, and nods wordlessly because her throat feels closed up. 

“Do you get lonely up here, Raven?” The question seems to come so out of the blue that for a moment, all she can do is look at him, searching his face to find the root of it. 

“Not really,” she admits in the end. Shrugs, as if it’s not a big deal, even though that’s total bullshit: this is the biggest deal. “I’ve got you.” 

Her cheeks burn after the admission, and she thinks there she goes, fucked up that one, real smooth. “Are you?” she asks quickly, because maybe that’s where it came from. 

Bellamy tilts his head to the side, looking at her intensely, so intensely she feels like she could burst, and if she were to burst, everything would come out, every word and desire, every secret. It would be too much. Way more than he’s bargained for, probably. 

“Not really,” he repeats, and when he finishes the sentence, he reaches out to brush his thumb over the side of her forearm, the touch a scorching supernova heat. “I’ve got you.” 

She wants - she wants, she wants, she wants - but she doesn’t think she deserves what she wants, not yet. Not still. 

So she deflects: “Shame, I could’ve built you a toy for that too.”

**4\. acts of service (devotion)**

She’s been avoiding Bellamy. It doesn’t happen on purpose, but since that moment in his room (and she thinks it was a moment, because it had felt like he was almost ready to just _kiss_ her), she feels more settled if she’s not around him.

Echo says it’s because she’s obviously horny. Echo can bite her. 

Echo probably _would_ bite her if invited, so Raven doesn’t invite. 

It gives her some time to think, what she’s doing up here. What she’s doing with her life, what she’s doing with her heart. 

Every inch, every cell of her wants to give everything to Bellamy, but every inch and cell and synapse fears that it would not be enough, that she wouldn’t be comparable. Given how his last choice was Gina, who the hell can compare? 

So she’s almost sure it’s not going to happen. 

She’s also almost sure she’s not going to stop treating him as she has until now. Always means _always_ and she’s got his back. If that means making sure he’s settled up here for the long run, by being his friend, then that’s what she’ll be. Like it’s hard. 

Then she remembers the date, and that it’s soon to be his birthday, and she forgets all about her resolution to avoid him, because she’s a weakling. She has to show him, she decides. 

She has to show him that she cares, so he never feels the need to ask her if she’s with him again, so he just _knows_ , instinctively, that she’ll always be right at his side, even if they fight, even if they disagree, even if they’re separated. (She’s secretly very sappy, she knows.) She has to show him that she cares, so she can remind herself that she _knows_ how to care, that she hasn’t forgotten, it hasn’t gone into disuse. 

She enlists Emori and Harper into helping her bake a cake, because Raven’s good with machines but she doesn’t know shit about cooking on this station. Murphy and Monty and Echo take care of the rest of the dinner. 

She has no other gift for Bellamy this year than remembering what day it is, and yet when she sees the surprise on his face when he walks in expecting dinner and gets himself a party, she thinks that maybe it’s enough. 

Later, when the booze starts flowing - a new batch, the first batch they’ve managed to make palatable - Raven takes her leave, because for a second she feels so full of calm and joy that she could start crying. Which is the last thing she wants to do. 

-

He finds her.

She knows it’s him by the gait, the silence that stretches on until he’s standing at her right again, just the two of them in front of that wide window. 

“Harper told me this was all you,” Bellamy says, his voice soft. 

She shrugs a little bit, settling for watching Earth spinning slowly below them, no longer burning. 

She’s so focused on trying to locate the continent that she jumps when he touches her, his warm hand so gentle on the small of her back. It’s a call for attention, but it burns through her like molten lava, turns her into a star, almost makes her implode. She’s got it so bad, and she’s so bad at poetry, too. 

“Raven,” he says, and she looks at him, up into his beautiful eyes, up at his beautiful face; it’s a miracle her eyes haven’t burned looking at him. What stops her is the look he’s giving her, like he’s looking for something in her face. “Are you in love with me?”

She sucks in air through her teeth, a sharp gasp that locks in her throat, and aches. Bellamy looks like he’s about to say _nevermind_ , and she doesn’t want to forget about this, not anymore. 

“Yes.” 

He’s silent in response. 

“Yes,” she says again, then looks away to stare out the window, eyebrows pinched in a frown. “You had to ask,” she mutters, “Thought I was making it obvious.”

“I didn’t think it was possible,” he says.

“What, for me to be in love?” She’s defensive now, sneering at him through their reflection in the glass.

“No, for your to love me.” 

She jerks away from him at that, his words piercing her like an arrow. “For _fuck’s_ sake, Bellamy,” she chokes out, “That’s so fucking mean. Like I haven’t - like I haven’t _given a damn_ about you for months. I _am_ still capable of it, you know?”

He steps closer, reaching out for her hands, holding them reverently, carefully. “That’s not what I meant.” 

She presses her lips together, scowling for a moment. “What then?”

“I… I guess I’ve been waiting.”

“For what?”

“To see if you’d love me.” 

“Oh. Why?” 

“Because I love _you_ ,” he says, and turns Raven’s world on its axis. “But I guess I haven’t been as good at showing it.”

**5\. physical touch**

When the blood stops rushing to her head, she finally manages to speak. “You came back for me,” she murmurs, as if defying his conclusion. 

“It wasn’t good enough. Should’ve told you why.” He brings her hands up to his lips, kissing every fingertip until they all tingle. “Should’ve told you I couldn’t think of a world without you in it.” 

She squeezes his hands, because suddenly she feels dizzy. Giddiness has been for too long a forgotten feeling. 

“You’re… But I’m…” _not Gina, not your sister, not your mother._ “We fought.” 

“We had different opinions. If you think that’s enough to stop you from being my friend…” He keeps getting closer, until his forehead rests tentatively against her, giving her the time to decide. She moves her head, nuzzles the tip of her nose against his, and they both share a soft laugh. 

“Can you say it again?” she asks.

“I love you, Raven.” 

It sounds just like she wants it to sound, honest and real and warm. It takes her a moment to realize that when he touches her cheeks it’s to wipe her tears away. That pulls a laugh out of her, and sends her into motion; her fists in the front of his shirt, her smiling face turned up towards him. 

“God, kiss me already.” 

He crushes his mouth to her like he’s been starved for years. They kiss, deep and desperate, closely pressed together and not pausing to even draw breath, until they’re both dizzy and breathless. Then he kisses her again, gentler this time, letting her tease him with a welcoming smile, sinking his fingers into her hair when she licks at his lower lip, keeping one hand on the small of her back, as reverential as ever. 

“Kiss me,” she begs him again, incoherent at this point, pulling him closer. 

He gets the hint. She’s hoisted up in his arms, legs around his waist, healthy leg under the one with the brace, so the metal doesn’t leave him bruised. 

“Anytime,” he murmurs against her lips, and she feels more than sees how stupidly giddy _he_ is, too. “For as long as I live.” 

“Better make it long,” she warns, nipping at his lower lip. “I’m very greedy.” 

“Yeah? Show me.” 

She shows him. Apparently, she’s very good at showing.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy (early) birthday, **semele**. I would give you the moon, but for now I'll start with one night of good sleep and this fic.


End file.
